Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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