Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
