I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
