Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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