I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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