My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
