Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
