I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
