I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
