I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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