You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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