by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize