I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
be right there i have to get my cape
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
