Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
