Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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