I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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