I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
