the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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