last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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