Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
