Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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