i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
