her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
