This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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