Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
