last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
