where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
