i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
