These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
