My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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