Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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