I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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