dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
