come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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