she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
