Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
