mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
