She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
