god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
