i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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