I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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