She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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