Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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