Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
