you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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