He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
