I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
