You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we should paint friendship bongs
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