i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
