we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize