He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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