So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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