im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
