dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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