is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
