If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
