lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
