yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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