Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
