I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
