I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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