The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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