isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
