I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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