I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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