We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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