i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
