Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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