I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
