its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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