I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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