I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
